September 2013
What a lucky summer we've had! In England, summer is usually not so impressive, but this year the sun gods smiled down, for a full two months! Short to some but it counts for an entire summer here, if you count the buildup, more than occasional bouts of rain and drops in temperature. Just to remind you you're in England. And the access to English food has been lovely really. I imagine my homeland's comforts sound fairly vile to some other countries, but it's my home land and my home comforts. Some times that lack of access to them can be a bit wearing. Such as the times you're homesick and all you want is a cheese and pickle sandwich. or when its raining and you think, Mum's stew would go down well right now, oh.
But the time has come. To jauntily set off in to the sun shouting 'screw you bitches!' Actually that's not how it goes for me. Personally, I think the process is a little more involved than dramatically having an epiphany, packing one's bags and sticking your thumb out at the roadside. As much as the romanticised version appeals. It's far more, hmm don't think I should buy those shoes. Have I got insurance organised? Have do I tell my boss I'm leaving?
I've been waking from very lucid or just profound dreams. I'm positive I'm lost, in the wrong place and my eyes won't open. Instead of panicking I wonder around for a long time with pieces of paper in my hands, sure that I'll sort it all out, even though I can't read them. The paper is blank. Of course it makes you question if what you're headed to is the right thing. But then everyone tells you you have to go, you must do this, you'll regret it if you don't. And you remember these dreams from the last time you were imminently bound for new territory.
I know this is the right thing. I know I'm going. I know I've got comfy at home, having a web of friends, family and fish and chips at my fingertips. In fact I've got so comfy I've got complacent. I'm sitting underneath a layer of thick green algae, in a great big lake, watching all the other tadpoles swim about merrily, avoiding fish that may gulp us down, and gazing up at the dragonflies buzzing above. I croak away silently about how much I don't understand businessmen. Despite the great surrounding buzz and shifting wider waters, no answers appear to swim before me in my own moribund little pond of stagnation. After realising I have become still, in one of the busiest cities in the world, (which beggars belief) I've reached another stage. Resentment.
I don't like resenting things, places or especially people. It's unfair on others around you as well as yourself. It's even unfair on the natural beauty nearby that you're unable to appreciate. I needed to take another step. The visa is processing but that's not enough for me. After being advised not to book flights until the visa is through, and for totally justifiable financial reasons, I book a flight. One way to Thailand.
I do have practicality on my side. As I've said before, I'm chasing my dreams and trying to make them come true. I quite like that lifestyle. I quite like the Asian lifestyle too, which is a rather nifty bonus when immigrating out there. There's also the fact that I rather neglectfully left all my passion, energy, enthusiasm, suffice to say my heart, back there. So I have to go back to pick it up.
image: Sunrise over Nha Trang, Vietnam, October 2012
copyright Lucy Munday
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